 |
How Self-Help Books Can Help Your Sex LifeBy Linda Levine, LCSW, Psychotherapist There is a great need for self-help books, particularly in the area of sexuality. Even though there is much more information about sexuality available from books, videos, TV, and the Internet, there's still very little explicit verbal sharing between and/or among adults and their peers. And, there is rarely inter-generational sharing about sexuality between adult children and their parents. Consequently, many people wonder if what they like or don't like is normal, whether they're adequate or skilled in bed. Even if they have more sexual information than their parents did, there are often gaps in their understanding of sexuality that make it hard for them to feel confident in the bedroom and they are too fearful or ashamed to compare notes with their friends. Books like Shared Intimacies and The Intimate Male which are comprised of actual interviews with people who feel good about their intimate lives and are willing to share, in explicit language, their thoughts, feelings and solutions to problems can help fill those gaps.
Ways to used Shared Intimacies and The Intimate Male:1) Some people buy two copies of each book and underline in magic marker the passages that have special meaning to them. And, then, they exchange books with their partner who gets to see what sections have had special meaning for them. This is a way of jumpstarting a couple's ability to talk to each other about sexuality.
2) Give the books as gifts to people who are going through different phases of the life cycle where their sexuality is affected, for example: a friend who is pregnant and might be interested in the range of sexual experiences of other pregnant women.
3) Try out solutions to specific problems that are suggested in the books.
Linda Levine, LCSW (Licensed Clinical Social Worker), is a psychotherapist in private practice in Washington, DC, who has over 30 years of experience working in the field of sexuality. She has a master's degree in Clinical Social Work from Catholic University and is certified by the American Academy of Certified Sex Therapists and Educators. For the past 25 years she has run short-term workshops for women on sexuality and has co-authored Shared Intimacies: Women's Sexual Experiences and The Intimate Male: Candid Discussions about Women, Sex and Relationships with Lonnie Barbach, Ph.D. She is also a certified EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing, a way to help people redo negative childhood traumas as well as life-threatening traumas) therapist who has lectured at international conferences on the integration of EMDR and ongoing psychotherapy in the area of intimacy. For the last six years, Linda Levine has been exploring a wider range of EMDR usage, such as peak performance issues in the workplace and the arts, as well as changes in people's internal intimacy scripts. 
Sex and the High School StudentBy J. Bailey Molineux, Ph.D. Should high school students be having sexual intercourse?
At the risk of sounding old fashioned, I would say "No." There are simply too many risks involved and teenagers are not psychologically ready for sex. Despite the ready availability of contraceptives, the risk of pregnancy is never completely eliminated, and an adolescent girl who becomes pregnant is not ready physically or emotionally for the rigors of pregnancy, childbirth and possibly motherhood.
If a girl does become pregnant, she has three very difficult choices: abortion or adoption, both of which could involve guilt and loss, or keeping the baby which could involve a lifetime of financial struggle whether she marries the father or not. She certainly can say good by to the carefree days of her youth.
Sexual intercourse also entails the risk of contracting a sexually transmitted disease as the recent outbreak of AIDS has shown. It should come as no surprise that since AIDS has become more widespread, fewer people are having intercourse outside of marriage for fear of catching what is an incurable, possibly fatal disease.
In addition, sexual intercourse can create feelings of shame or guilt in adolescents and lead to a tarnished reputation. It can also leave a bad impression about sex since the first experience of sexual intercourse is often painfully or clumsily handled, and not the delight it is expected to be.
Finally, sexual intercourse entails certain responsibilities. From a biological point of view, the primary reason for sex is reproduction and the survival of the species, not just for people to have fun. Nature made sex so pleasurable for two reasons: to insure frequent intercourse with a female who can be impregnated only two days out of each month and to better insure that two people will stay together to raise the children born of a sexual union.
In other words, nature's only concern is that human life continues. The pleasure of sex increases the frequency of intercourse and so increases the chances a woman will become pregnant. It is also one of several bonds which hold two people together in love so both will be around to care for their children. The advice that young people not have intercourse outside of marriage is based on an ancient biological wisdom.
In short, the momentary pleasure of sex for high school students is simply not worth the risks of pregnancy, sexually transmitted disease, guilt, shame and a tarnished reputation. For those adolescents who want to avoid the risks of intercourse, Dr. Sol Gordon, a psychologist who has been studying adolescent sexual behavior for most of his professional life, would give this advice: the best oral contraceptive is the word No. It's free, painless, readily available without a prescription, and 100 percent effective.
About the Author: J. Bailey Molineux, a psychologist with Adult and Child Counseling, has incorporated many of his articles in a book, Loving Isn't Easy, Isbn 1587410419, sold through bookstores everywhere or available directly from Selfhelpbooks.com. Copyright 2002, J. Bailey Molineux and Selfhelpbooks.com, all rights reserved. This article may be reprinted but must include authors copyright and website hyperlinks.
|
 |
