By J. Bailey Molineux

Suppose you're having problems with one of your children. You decide to seek the advice of a mental health professional.

You're a little surprised when he asks to meet with all members of your family living at home, but you're so worried about your child's behavior that you reluctantly agree to his request. Perhaps you had not wanted to involve the other children or bother your spouse.

But research shows family therapy to be a more effective method of treatment in many cases, especially those involving children's problems.

What happens when everyone in the family is involved in treat­ment that makes it more effective?

Family therapy is based on the assumption that what happens to one member of a family affects all members. The family is not a collection of isolated, independent persons but an interrelated unit whose members are dependent upon each other for the satisfaction of their physical and emotional needs.

Once the family members recognize this, once they realize the problem of one member is a problem of all members, they are well on their way to doing something constructive about it. Since the family therapist thinks of causation as circular - one problem affects another which in turn affects the first - lie will not be looking for villains or people to blame. Instead, his purpose is to try to under­stand what is occurring in the family to cause everyone emotional pain and to encourage them to work to reduce it.

Marital problems, for example, can result in misbehavior in the children, which can, in turn, put a strain on any marriage. Which problem comes first is not important; what is important is that this cycle is broken or modified so that the marriage is made stronger and the –problems with the children are reduced. The family therapist will want to insure, that channels of communication are open and direct in the family. He will also ask everyone his or her view of the problem a and what can be done to solve it.

He will also look at the structure of the family life. How is the marriage doing? The is purpose will be to insure that the family rules are flexible and. realistic but consistently enforced.

Crises or changes will also be looked at by the family therapist.

He will want to know if there has been a recent major change in the family circumstances that could account for its; present difficulties. The family therapy approach encourages the family members to accept responsibility and talk about their problems. The family therapist tries to get them unstuck and back on the road to emotional health again.

By J. Bailey Molineux

Sue's presenting complaint - the reason she was seeking mental health consultation - was that her child was having nightmares, although she was obviously depressed.

When did your child's nightmares begin?, I asked.

About two years ago.

Was anything happening in your family at that time that might have contributed to his nightmares?

She blushed and replied that she and her husband began to have severe marital problems then. They were still having problems, which was the major cause of her depression, and were fighting far too much, which was upsetting their son.

Sue's husband didn't come to the first session even though I had asked to meet with both parents. She wasn't sure he'd be willing to participate in any sessions.

Can therapy help my child?. she asked with a mixture of hope and fear in her eyes.

I had to be honest with her. It was obvious that her child's nightmares and her depression were a function of the marital problems. If her husband refused to get involved in the therapeutic process - not because of stubbornness or ignorance but because of fear of the unknown and of change - the chances of making any improvement in her condition and that of her child were not as good.

People will seek the services of a mental health professional for three reasons: individual personal problems such as anxiety or depression, problems with their children or marital problems.

In most cases, the mental health professional can provide a better service by meeting with most members of a client's family. This can give him valuable information about the problem from everyone involved or affected and can put him in a better position to treat the problem if it is caused by family problems or results in family pain.

Research has shown family therapy to be more effective in many cases. Common sense would suggest why this is the case.

If a person is depressed because of marital problems, a common occurrence, the best way to treat her depression is to treat her marriage by involving her spouse. The single most frequent cause of a depressive episode is an increase in marital fights. More importantly, research has consistently shown that a good marriage is good for both our physical and mental health and the single most important factor in self-ratings of happiness.

If a child is to be treated in therapy, the parents have to be seen also not only for diagnostic purposes, but also to teach the parents how to deal with their child. And if there is a strained relationship between one of the parents and the child, the best way to treat it is to see the two of them together.

Yet most insurance companies, except Medicaid and Medicare, refuse to pay for family therapy claiming it would cost more. Research indicates they may be wrong, that marital and family therapy is more efficient, takes less sessions and so is cheaper and benefits more than one person.

Specifically, in 1995, seventy six therapists were surveyed about their treatment of three hundred and fifty nine clients. They averaged eight sessions of family therapy before termination, ten sessions of marital therapy but fourteen sessions of individual therapy.

In effect, in individual therapy you mostly talk about your problems to a supportive listener; in family therapy, you can do something about them.

I'll never forget one women who was estranged from her alcoholic father. When I asked to meet with him, she insisted he wouldn't come in for therapy. Not only did he do so, but, to my client's complete surprise, he announced he had been an alcoholic, admitted he had treated his daughter poorly, apologized and said he wanted a better relationship with her. I thought to myself that that one family session was more effective in alleviating my client's pain than thirty individual sessions would have been.

About the Author: J. Bailey Molineux, a psychologist with Adult and Child Counseling, has incorporated many of his articles in a book, Loving Isn't Easy, Isbn 1587410419, sold through bookstores everywhere or available directly from Selfhelpbooks.com. Copyright 2002, J. Bailey Molineux and Selfhelpbooks.com, all rights reserved. This article may be reprinted but must include authors copyright and website hyperlinks.

The Pain of the Past

By J. Bailey Molineux

It was a workshop on family therapy conducted years ago, the first exposure I ever had to this therapeutic approach. As part of the learning experience, some of the participants were asked to volunteer for an exercise in which they were to explore their past relationships with their families.

And what a powerful technique it was! Every therapist who participated in the exercise wound up in tears. Here were mental health professionals, men and women whose job it was to relieve the emotional pain of others, sharing their own deeply felt pain with a group of strangers.

The experience had a profound effect upon me. I thought that if those who treat the emotional problems of others can have so much pain from the past, how true it must be that most people have some unresolved hurt or resentment left over from relationships with family.

Mental health professionals are no different than other folk. They, too, suffer emotional pain, although they should have a better understanding and control of it.

Whether severe or mild, then, fully conscious or deeply buried in the unconscious, the pain is there in most of us. The difference between the severely traumatized person whose pain is so great that he requires hospitalization and the mentally healthy person barely affected by his past pain is one of degree and not kind.

Bear with me while I explain why I believe this is so.

The process of growing up is a painful process. Challenges to be met, skills to be learned, desires to be curbed, doubts and fears to be overcome and behavior to be controlled - all are the necessary but difficult tasks in the transition from childhood to adulthood. And since parents are not perfect - no one is - our parents didn't always do exactly the right thing for us, leaving us with some scars to struggle with in our drive to become independent adults.

Why do I raise these issues about the effects of our early childhood experiences? Why drag up past hurts that might be best forgotten?

For the simple reason that we can't really forget them. Those memories lie buried within us influencing our behavior now and affecting our ability to deal with present problems.

Unless we become aware of the influence of the past, we will tend to react in semi-automatic ways to the problems of the present. And the pain of the present will be intensified by reactivation of pain from the past.

Unless we come to grips with problems of the past, we will tend to repeat those same problems over and over again, especially in marriage. Any unresolved problems with our parents will be acted out, usually unconsciously, with our spouses.

Unless we stop to think about raising our children, we will tend to make the same errors with our children as our parents made with us or go to the opposite extreme which may not be the healthiest way to raise them.

And unless we realize that all parents make mistakes, we will not be able to forgive our parents for what they did or failed to do. When that day of forgiveness comes, however, we will be well on our way to overcoming the pain of the past.

By forgiving our parents, we will begin to heal ourselves. And by healing ourselves, we will automatically improve our relations with our spouses and children.

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About the Author: J. Bailey Molineux, a psychologist with Adult and Child Counseling, has incorporated many of his articles in a book, Loving Isn't Easy, Isbn 1587410419, sold through bookstores everywhere or available directly from Selfhelpbooks.com. Copyright 2002, J. Bailey Molineux and Selfhelpbooks.com, all rights reserved. This article may be reprinted but must include authors copyright and website hyperlinks.